Thotty Thursday: Mama Boys

It is said that many men will seek out qualities of their mother in their partner.  Whether it be in the way she cares for him, the way she carries herself or simply her character, I can understand how this can be assumed.  But then there’s the mama boys.

Mothers are the first female figure in most people’s life and the relationship you form with her is usually an indicator of how you’ll approach your romantic and sexual relationships later on in life.  But, as with anything, a balance is required regarding your relationship with her.  And when things become out of balance, it could go both ways.  For some men, they tend to sway towards the end of the spectrum that usually involves attachment issues and dependency.

Okay, that was a loaded statement, but I’ve had my share of men that were unusually attached to their mothers.  Some of you might not understand the problem here. And I am not saying there isn’t an advantage to a man who has the utmost respect for his mother, but there is a fine line between respect and unhealthy attachment.  When he lives his life by what she tells him to do, failing to come to his own decisions or make his own path, well, it makes you wonder if they ever really grew up.  And when their mother is the one calling the shots about who they date, it can quickly amount to a bigger problem.

On the flip side, men that do idolize their moms can have a different level of respect for women overall.  They understand certain qualities of women, as well as hold a better understanding of those little things that women either enjoy or can’t stand.  Look at it as if they have a better tour guide through the understanding of the opposite sex.  Something that even I as a female can’t figure out at times.

When I was in high school, I began dating Noah*.  I had met him through a mutual friend, and fresh out of an argument with my high school crush, he was the rebound that became much more than I ever thought he would’ve been.  We had dated for about 3 years, and being young and naïve, I saw no end to the relationship.  Even with issues of faith and cultural differences being the forefront of any issues we had, I still had that youthful belief in making things work.

Noah is Jewish.  I’m technically Catholic.  For those of you who are well-versed in the traditions of Judaism, there is a high value placed on the partnership of two Jewish people, and being a West Indian Catholic girl with possibly over-progressive views on certain matters, it goes without saying that to his mother, I was not a prime candidate for her son.  We weren’t getting married after high school but even dating someone who isn’t of the same faith was frowned upon by his parents.  I can’t blame Noah for the traditions of his family, but when he can eat a full rack of ribs and cheeseburgers are his go-to fast food option, both of which are definitely kosher, it’s a little difficult to respect their views on dating, relationships and marriage.

For the first year, I wasn’t known to his parents.  His mother took some time to accept that we were dating and even went as far as to ensure that Noah understood I was ‘only a high school thing’.  His father, on the other hand, stood so strongly in this belief that I wouldn’t be surprised if this man still didn’t know I exist.  (Yes, I dated someone for three years without ever meeting their father. I was 16!)  It wasn’t until Noah started taking actual direction from his mother that I became suspect of his reliance on her.   Not to say that you shouldn’t take heed to your mother’s advice, but if you believe in something that differs from her opinion, are you really going to change your views to match hers?

It was our first Valentine’s Day after he had moved away for school, and I was off to college in between home and him.  He had mentioned that his mother seemed it was necessary to remind him that high school was in fact over and I had to go.  I scoffed, assuming that it was a moment we’d both agree on her ridiculous-ness.  But like the cheese, I stood alone in that opinion.

I’m not discrediting or insulting tradition, but the fact that this boy felt that because his mother had told him to leave that it was his due diligence to do so.  Oh yea, and on Valentine’s Day.

Not all mama’s boys are the same though.  There are still many who require their maternal figures to do their laundry, make their beds and even cut their food into bite size pieces.  Funny enough, the man that does require his food to be cut happens to be somewhat of a gym rat, complete with oversized biceps.  Imagine that. Can’t even cut the protein for your gains, bruh.




cover image source


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